ludicrously speaking

Since i was a young boy, i’ve been told i give people the first impression that either i’m aloof or kinda cocky. Since then, i’ve been pretty self conscious and aware that i tend to give off the wrong vibes, and would try my darn-est to rectify the situation by approaching new acquaintances with a more affable attitude, making ever so sure my nose was not up in the air. But over time, i realise no matter how i try to be approachable and warm to people, certain characters tend to still keep a distance and avoid talking to me. I’m not saying i must please everyone i meet, but it did cross my mind that i could indeed be truly repulsive to receive such treatment.

When i try to reflect and analyse the entire detrimental situation, it became clear that it was really none of my own doings or my face (although its highly debatable) that led to this misrepresentation. I’m speculating that most people who meet me are not ready for my larger-than-life personality. Let me illustrate this with a few points:

• I was at a ice-dessert cafe with a couple of friends and wanted to place any order. Instead of drawing a distinct line between patron and service staff, i spoke to the guy taking my orders in a humourous tone, “Hey there, anything on this menu that is good enough to feed the three of us?” The guy smiled awkwardly. “Haha…no la, just get us this one here.” “Er… for the three of you? er..okok.” he replied without eye contact and started retreating as he spoke. Rather bemused, I turned to my friend and asked them whether i was intimidating him with the way i spoke, afterall i’ve been told by many that i spot an accent and maybe that could have also imposed a certain amount of pressure on the poor chap? He didn’t looked so stressed out waiting on other tables but looked really embarrassed half the time taking our orders. Maybe me not sounding like a “native” speaker made him very conscious?

• Being a designer, i’ve been taught to appreciate a higher standard of aesthetics and beauty. People in the creative circle would know that taste is something acquire over time and understanding. A lot of effort is spend evaluating and re-evaluating what is good, what is beautiful, what works and what doesn’t. To be a successful creator of visually stimulating artworks is to be a keen critic, observing and learning how to better things around them. I therefore have very strong opinions about how certain things ought to look in order to appeal and what is completely hideous needs to be dissed. However, this form of behaviour doesn’t go well with most people. One NS buddy always misinterpret it as me thinking i’m better than people. That i was a haughty smart alec and excessively wanted to put certain people or things down. I didn’t know how to explained myself then. Occupational hazard? Nah..as if he would understand.

It’s interesting to me how confidence are ever so often misinterpreted as cockiness and how a self-assured sense of humour causes discomfort in the people i meet. Seriously, think they are not big enough to stomach me. Haha… they must have inferiority complex. Those people should be the ones that need to look into it, not me.

I’m done apologising for speaking well, being opinionated, frank and having a wicked sense of humour. Go eat yourself if you can’t deal with me. Lalalala…