ludicrously speaking

Karaoke is a quintessential part of socialising. This i’ve come to understand even more over the past few weeks. The people in my new office and from my dragonboat team all seemed to have a keen interest in singing and are not afraid of their showmanship. It seems like no matter your status or race, sex or background, these people light up with enthusiasm upon mentioning the lovely K word.

My VP of Advertising (almost 40, married and highly reputable in the market) instantly broke out in a Karen Carpenter number, Yesterday Once More, when we mentioned K. The accounts manager almost ran across the room, wanting in anyday we were in the mood to go. It was strange to me because we barely know each other for the week we’ve spent together and we’ve never had much of a conversation to begin with. But suddenly when K was mentioned, all inhibitions were thrown beyond our sight leaving behind an immediate connection.

Same with my dragonboat team mates. It was as though we have won the championship and they were basking in victory. Bank analyst, pharmaceutical technician, art manager, etc. These people are not your average chink kong bunch of people, but they’ve embraced K as much as a pubescent “Jolin Tsai” fan would. I can’t wait to observe them when we are confined within a small room to belt out ballads and pop hits: seeing all the divas and idols within them surface. Haha.

Thank god i sing well.

I rushed down for training straight after work this evening and got a good work-out. As we were slowly making our way back to the coordinator’s apartment to get changed, my friend popped the question out of the blue, ” So are you gay?”

No reason, pure self indulgence. Don’t we all look good?

忧人自扰. That’s me. I should slap myself for being such a negative sport. I have probably the best job one could ask for being a part of an exciting pioneer company that is on the verge of stirring up the local media industry. Yet, i’m constantly tittering on the edge of the cliff, worried i will screw up. Frightened they will see through my facet and figure me out, knowing i’m but a placebo.

I think i is crazy. That’s why “beefcake” trainings on the weekdays help. Exhausting my body helps me release all the pent up tension, perspiring helps clear my head of any ludicrous thoughts. Meeting up with friends is a must and a plus. What makes me the happiest is when i can put away all inhibitions and just let loose talking about the silliest of things. No questions, no reasonings, no sense.

A wedding, a race and a dateline in November. It’s all good and exciting, i should really be enjoying all these as i ease myself slowly into the madness of things.

Beyond the nuts and bolts of an urban life, i’m only beginning to understand how it all really works.

Bangkok is in a state of coup.

I worry for my “second” home. 

What will happen to their tom yam soup?

When the hawkers have no where to roam.

 

Give me back my Ma Boon Krong!

I still want to go Jak Tu Jat!

This political breakout is all wrong!

Nowhere else to spend my baht! 

Because sometimes i think we lead more interesting lives than our local ones.

 *yawnz*

Since i was a young boy, i’ve been told i give people the first impression that either i’m aloof or kinda cocky. Since then, i’ve been pretty self conscious and aware that i tend to give off the wrong vibes, and would try my darn-est to rectify the situation by approaching new acquaintances with a more affable attitude, making ever so sure my nose was not up in the air. But over time, i realise no matter how i try to be approachable and warm to people, certain characters tend to still keep a distance and avoid talking to me. I’m not saying i must please everyone i meet, but it did cross my mind that i could indeed be truly repulsive to receive such treatment.

When i try to reflect and analyse the entire detrimental situation, it became clear that it was really none of my own doings or my face (although its highly debatable) that led to this misrepresentation. I’m speculating that most people who meet me are not ready for my larger-than-life personality. Let me illustrate this with a few points:

• I was at a ice-dessert cafe with a couple of friends and wanted to place any order. Instead of drawing a distinct line between patron and service staff, i spoke to the guy taking my orders in a humourous tone, “Hey there, anything on this menu that is good enough to feed the three of us?” The guy smiled awkwardly. “Haha…no la, just get us this one here.” “Er… for the three of you? er..okok.” he replied without eye contact and started retreating as he spoke. Rather bemused, I turned to my friend and asked them whether i was intimidating him with the way i spoke, afterall i’ve been told by many that i spot an accent and maybe that could have also imposed a certain amount of pressure on the poor chap? He didn’t looked so stressed out waiting on other tables but looked really embarrassed half the time taking our orders. Maybe me not sounding like a “native” speaker made him very conscious?

• Being a designer, i’ve been taught to appreciate a higher standard of aesthetics and beauty. People in the creative circle would know that taste is something acquire over time and understanding. A lot of effort is spend evaluating and re-evaluating what is good, what is beautiful, what works and what doesn’t. To be a successful creator of visually stimulating artworks is to be a keen critic, observing and learning how to better things around them. I therefore have very strong opinions about how certain things ought to look in order to appeal and what is completely hideous needs to be dissed. However, this form of behaviour doesn’t go well with most people. One NS buddy always misinterpret it as me thinking i’m better than people. That i was a haughty smart alec and excessively wanted to put certain people or things down. I didn’t know how to explained myself then. Occupational hazard? Nah..as if he would understand.

It’s interesting to me how confidence are ever so often misinterpreted as cockiness and how a self-assured sense of humour causes discomfort in the people i meet. Seriously, think they are not big enough to stomach me. Haha… they must have inferiority complex. Those people should be the ones that need to look into it, not me.

I’m done apologising for speaking well, being opinionated, frank and having a wicked sense of humour. Go eat yourself if you can’t deal with me. Lalalala…

It’s hard to fully understand chinese lyrics sometimes. Mostly due to the terrible enunciation of the singers. But if you really bothered to explore, some of these lyrics are really poetic. The chinese language has such beautiful way of description with just a few simple characters.

I decided to illustrate my point with a literal translation of that new song i’m hooked on. You’ll see how even after my utmost but vile attempt, the english bit still pales in comparison sounding very documented and factual. hahaha…

屋檐如悬崖 风铃如沧海 我等燕归来

The roof likens the cliff, the wind chimes the barren sea, i wait for the sparrow (her) to return

时间被安排 演一场意外 你悄然走开

Time being arranged, an act of revelation, you left without a word

故事在城外 浓雾散不开 看不清对白

A story beyond the city, an overcast persist, unable to vision our dialogue

你听不出来 风声不存在 是我在感慨

You won’t understand, when the breeze ceased, it’s me who griefs

梦醒来 是谁在窗台 把结局打开

Awoken from the dream, who’s at the window (ledge), opening an epilogue.

那薄如蝉翼的未来 经不起谁来拆

As fragile (bleak) as silk threads (future), the lack to withstand turbulence.

我送你离开 千里之外 你无声黑白

I sent you away, faraway, silent in noir you were

沉默年代 或许不该 太遥远的相爱

In the age of oppression, perhaps its better, not to court a distant love

我送你离开 天涯之外 你是否还在

I sent you away, to the edge of the world, are you still there

琴声何来 生死难猜 用一生 去等待

Melody unknown, a fate uncertain, we’ll wait for the rest of our lives.

一身琉璃白 透明着尘埃 你无瑕的爱

White as porcelain, the clarity of dust, against your perfect love

你从雨中来 诗化了悲哀 我淋湿现在

You came from the rain, metaphorised my pain, i cried (it watered) till this day

芙蓉水面采 船行影犹在 你却不回来

The peony from the pond, the ship lingers, you have yet to return

被岁月覆盖 你说的花开 过去成空白

Time overshadows, the flower bloom you pined, our past vanishes

Seriously…i think even if one tried to rewrite the entire story in English it will still not come through. Its Chinese as chinese does.