ludicrously speaking

I unzipped and pulled down my pants. After layering the toilet seat with crisp paper, I sat down to ease myself.

*Plob* “Aahh…”

Was just spacing out within the momentary confinement of the cubicle when I looked down and saw some scribblings on the floor, I leaned forward to get a better view.

*Flusssssh!!!*

Water splattered all over my behinds. It happened again, without warning and allowance for me to avoid the untimely automated flush. The feeling is damn eeky.

“Thank you very much, but I can flush on my own when I’m done and as for my butt… I will clean too. Leave those to me!”

Finishing my business, I cleaned up and got to washing my hands. Soaping it up after a few finger to finger scrubs, I placed my hand under the tap to no response. It had no knob to turn so it must be automated. Just as I retracted my hands to head over to the next sink, the water came gushing down like some fiesty waterfall splattering its outburst all over the side of my shirt. I quickly offered my hands… but it was fiesty no more. It’s now as quiet as the night for I sure as hell can hear my mind lashing out profanities…

When I finally got rid of the suds, I waited my willing drenched pair of wrigglies underneath the hand dryer. *Tick tock tick tock* I wiped my hands on my jeans and left in exasperation.

So much for automation. *Phui!*

I’ve been out these couple of nights. Adding some flavour back to my somewhat stale routine for the past weeks.

I visited Timbre (formerly Fat Frog Café) with htf on Thursday to support her friend who had a gig. I haven’t stepped foot on the place since my art academy days. Since the National Library moved away, the place seemed to have lost its appeal to the masses too. Mind-numbing rock now takes over and attempts to deafen anyone who dares enter. We eventually left with somewhat of a headache. Personally, it could have been the result of me knocking my head on table trying to stay sane. It was that painful indeed.

The next evening after we closed, me and my boss hit Zouk to watch the Flesh Imp’s fashion show. At the entrance, we were given necklace as a form of a door-gift. It had a golden bling bling-kinda pendant attached to it. We thought it looked really nice compared to the usual lanyard passes.

When squeezing through the massive crowd, realised I was surrounded by all these juveniles that were barely legal to be there. Luckily I was signed in, so we skipped the queue and swiftly proceeded towards the members area. Feeling very a-tas looking down on the packed floor below, I wondered if anyone would catch me if I did a stage-dive or would I end up a bloody pulp being dragged onto the roads to rot. Ok fine, nothing to speculate there.

Finally, I caught Pam Oei with the gang at Esplanade last nite. She was really good. I’m so glad I made the decision to buy tickets in the beginning even though nobody around were as keen. I had faith that she will shine and she did me proud. Vindicated! Yay!

The show was tight knitted with her timely sense of humour and gutsy whimsical lyrics that she unabashedly sings: “I wish I was a steam roller, so I can roll all over you baby~I wish I was a cement-mixer, I wanna rock and roll with you all night”

Hilarious! Who would want to miss this!?

Oh wait…hmm.

“Vote for Jam Sea Thong! Together we share one voice! Vote for Jam Sea Thong!”

KNN. Woke up early in the morning to the din from below. The campaign lorry came out bright and early ready to brainwash the community at large. I’m not amused, this has been going on for the past 3 days and I fear the worst is yet to be.

Posters of both parties are plastered all over my estate, or as my friends affectionately call it… the ghetto. At every turn you hear the “elders” sitting at the void decks going on about their preferred party or some grocery vendor speaking of a better future if things go well this year, it’s hard to ignore that I’m in the middle of the biggest, most heated popularity contest on our little island right now.

This year I can vote, I have a say… but who is listening? Do I care?

Both sides are equally obnoxious, but people around are egging me to root for the rebel. They all believe that our nation will be better off because of some loud-mouths who will oppose any plans from the garmen. Their theory – When a fight is put up, decisions can be better and more reasonably executed. My theory – Even when a fight is put up, the majority will still get their way and proceed as planned. What’s a fight for then?

*yawnz* Tell me when it’s over.

I saw a stage being set up on an open field for the coming rally. Seems like no one is willing to go down without a war waged this year. Who will prevail? Who will survive the turbulent sea of votes? I ask again, do I care?

Lalalala… your guess is as good as mine.

I bery happy. Its been 2 weeks that i’ve been spending not more than $10 per day to feed myself. There is an undeniable sense of accomplishment. Bery proud. Here’s an idea of my daily expediture;

Breakfast
Ham & Egg Sandwich at bakery — $1.20

Lunch
Fish Soup with Rice — $3.80

Teabreak
Tou Suan or Black Glutinous Beans — $1.50

Dinner
Famous Seah Street Chicken Rice — $3.00

This is a template I follow when I have to cover 3 meals. If mum prepares breakfast or dinner, I spend the extra allowance to indulge in something more satisfying for lunch;

Lunch
Subway Daily Set Meals! — $4.70
(This comes with a coke and cookie)

Teabreak
Dessert with Cookie! (from lunch) — $1.50

Dinner
Niang Dou Foo (7 items exact!) — $3.30

I could really get use to spending money wisely like this. Imagine all I’ll ever need is less than $300 per month for food. Wah… all the money saved can buy me something nice and still have plenty left for saving. I like the sound of it. Keke.

Today lagi best! Ben & Jerry had their annual FREE CONE DAY! This is a celebratory promotion worldwide! You just show up and get a free cone from their selection of yummy flavours! I had myself a Strawberry Cheesecake ice-cream. Divine! Saved me the cost for dessert! Yay!

我不喜歡這個字眼，覺得很卑微很可怜的樣子。好像技不如人必需忍气吞聲，單聽就感到心寒。

不過這些日子我慌然大悟，發現我也只不過是個打工仔。

The bloody advertising agency finally issued my long dued cheque last Friday. Phew! Been panicking the past weeks worried that I might have to eat air otherwise. I called up umpteen times to make sure they expedited action since a month back. The quick-tempered accountant actually lost her patience with me at one point when she hollered at me for repetitively calling for payment. I told her off for being a liar who did not fulfill the agreed payment dates and also for the lack of compassion she has shown to someone who badly needed cash flow.

She apologised. KNN, dare to trifle with me.

A friend who shared my sentiments said, “ I don’t understand why they love to delay payment, as though dragging the process will eventually save them time and money.”

That’s the downside of being a freelancer, always entertaining such rubbish.

So far, Indigo, Cita Bella, Mens Health, Female, New Paper and even Channel V (for a segment on their Fashion Tuesday) has covered us - helping spread the word on the concept of the store. Next Thursday, find us mention in URBAN, the Straits Times supplement. There will be another feature in the next installment as well. In the coming weeks, Juice, Flag, Okay, Catalog (i love them) and Harper Bazaar will do some extensive write-up on Actually…

While i was zobo-ing in the shop yesterday, a phonecall came in for my boss. A familiar voice that was all too cutesy came through the receiver, “Hi, I’m Carrie (yes, THAT Carrie) may i speak to **** please?” Sounding non chalant, i told her he was engaged with some customers and told her to leave a number. Fearing i might not know who she is, she went on to be more specific, “I’m calling from 987fm ya? We are thinking of introducing your store on our fashion segment, please get **** to get back ok? Sounding as bored, i replied “Sure thing.”

It’s official. I’m a phone bitch. MUahaha

This is damn fun. Go create your own persona at the following website: 

http://www.vexatori.de/zib/spstudio.html